Monday, Memorial Day (the set aside)

it's not really memorial day, but i suppose it will do, as it gives me a day off to move house. what a hectic week! no time to blog. friday evening went to visit imiola at his house in kapahulu. he's looking thin and has bruise marks all up and down his arms where nurses have been poking him relentlessly. imiola said 'no more', so he decided to go home. stella made a pot of curry stew. we brought dessert. then poha arrived to hook up his computer on the chair near the bed. so he can read and send email more easily (one does not give up one's virtual life!). then evern arrived. we all ate together around the bed in a very tiny room with not enough chairs. but it felt homey and family-like. i think imiola ate a tiny piece of custard pie while the rest of us chowed down on stew and poi and stew and rice. i could have cried, but waited until we got into the car. and even though i had my trusty camera, i did not take a photo of him or of anyone else.

i don't remember when i met imiola, but i think it was around 1992. imiola is carl young, a great friend and supporter of poka and of all social justice issues. i worked for hui naauao, back then, as oahu island coordinator. i set up educational workshops in schools, homes, and for public events. poka was present for many of these, as was imiola. imiola was a substitute teacher for many years, and is a student/admirer of johan galtung, a peace activist who taught for a while at u.h. manoa. most of the papers i have from imiola are of galtung's writings. back then, in the early 1990s, i remember having numerous talk story dialogues at iolani palace grounds. one time, in particular, it was pouring rain. we had a tent and everybody, including galtung, tried to jam under the tent. it leaked. we were wet. but no one left. the discussion was so important to have that we simply couldn't let the opportunity to talk pass because of the rain. i mention this because 16 years later, we're still trying to have the same kind of dialogue--one of peace, justice, aloha, malama aina, malama i ke kahi i ke kahi. i can't believe it's such hard work.

on thursday next week, june 5, we'll be doing a similar kind of dialogue, trying to move away from the strictly political/legal/analytical kinds of educational gatherings we've had in the past, toward a talk story format that allows us to be honest in expressing how we feel about hawaiian sovereignty in this hectic and sometimes scary world. i sent out the invite the other day--and wouldn't you know i'd get the damn info wrong! so i re-sent. already got several responses, positive ones, from those who want to attend. maybe there are others tired of the never-ending barrage of "my way is the only way" rhetoric. we've been spoiled by the push for self-determination (at any level)--we actually do want to choose, and any process that comes down already made has obviously made the choice for us. where's the self-determination in that? sometimes it's so crystal-clear to me that nothing can be 'created' for someone else, not if you want that someone else to take kuleana for it. we need to create for ourselves so we live and die by our own actions, good or bad. part of growing up, of evolution for the whole human race.

yesterday i took my students to palehua. we were hosted by shad kane, who shared a ton of info with the students. there's stuff up there, and a few people mentioned they felt the presence of something/someone in the area. one of the students didn't want to walk around in the pa, even though it should be okay, as permission was requested to enter. since nobody dropped dead, it should be safe and we could take that as a "come on in" sign. anyhow, his hair kept standing on end, so he walked in and out quickly. on the way home in the bus, one of my other students shared his own native american genealogy. his great grandma, and grandma practiced shamanic rituals. we talked about ritual and blood. then he showed me his hand and a cut that was drying up. he had been watching from a little distance as shad took students around and noticed a stone over which a number of dragonflies were flying in a circle, which he though was odd. then a bunch of butterflies came (white ones, brown ones, and golden ones) and flew around in a circle over the same stone. so finally he figured there must be something special about that stone and went over to take a look. he put his hands on the stone to feel it. then he walked away. but he noticed a moment later that he had blood on his hands, which is when he noticed the cut. he didn't feel it and couldn't remember where he cut himself. so he went back to the rock and saw that his blood was on it, so he obviously cut himself there. i asked him how he felt about that. he said he felt really, really good, as if leaving his blood there, on the stone, was an appropriate thing to do. i was happy he was happy, as i'm not sure of the significance of that act in his culture. but i was intrigued about its significance in hawaiian culture. we'll see...

Sunday at Makua

despite the oppressively hot weather, it was a fabulous day at makua today. around 13 students and friends showed up for today's access. we were all cooking in the heat. but the students seemed to really enjoy the walk around and history of that aina. the army guys weren't too happy to be there and took it out on us. pretty rude bunch, i have to say. nevertheless, it went well. leandra was super good with protocol. fred did a great job of sharing history and story telling. i think the younger archaeologist, alton (?), was the most hospitable of the bunch and shared a bit of history about the army's strategic plan for makua. he gave me a brochure to share with my students, and i saw a photo of a petroglyph that i hadn't seen before. it's in a different area/valley that we haven't had access to--yet. curtis, trevor, and jean emptied the mud out of the drying up spring. the kalo growing there the last time i was up had died. trevor removed his shoes to work in the mud and got yelled at because not wearing shoes was against the rules. and fred got yelled at because he found (and picked up) a spent shell from an M-15. that's also a no-no. oh well. it was a really good crew, however, and i'm glad we had a chance to experience the power struggle that goes on there between community and military and between rules and culture. obviously the military personnel are not interested in having a relationship with any of us, hence the rude treatment. it just makes me want to go more often and try to give them a hard time whenever we can. the option is to kowtow, and aint none of us going that route.

on the way home to kaneohe i noticed hundreds of tents stretching from makua to beyond kahe point. it's amazing! i had read in the paper that the state would be cracking down on the homeless living out on the leeward coast. that's pretty sad. where else could they go? how can it be against the law to be poor?

not much has changed in the last 18 years or so. the poor get poorer. the super rich don't give a rip. the middle class--where is the middle class? i used to think i was the middle class, but i feel much, much poorer and living on the edge all the time. having an education and an 'average' income guarantees nothing.

Tuesday - First Day of Summer School

haven't written anything in a week! can't believe it! too many things going on and i'm overdue on everything. sunday was a good day. had lunch with three of my kids, my grandson, his girlfriend, my son's girlfriend, and my son in law. it was enjoyable and we pigged out. my grandson, koa, is the same age as my son, akoni. koa flashed his tattoos at everyone, and i was happy to see the hawaiian flag on his hand. i thought it was kinda cool. after lunch james, akoni, and i went over to the house in kahaluu to cut the grass and haul away assorted trash for ruth. we'll be living downstairs--moving out of here at the end of the month.

monday i started unpacking more boxes. so much stuff! i read george kahumoku's book "a hawaiian life". that was pretty fascinating, the stories he tells about his dying and being revived when he was six weeks old. reminded me of john kaimikaua's story about his experiences in molokai when he was a child, and watching the revival, hours later, of a young girl who had died in her sleep. there were all kinds of kahuna practicing their arts in those days, and bringing someone back from the dead apparently wasn't unheard of, and we're not talking about ancient history, here. so if this is still happening during our lifetime, and maybe our parents' lifetime, then it wasn't so long ago. it might still be happening now. i hope so.

today was the first day of summer session I. i have two classes, 3 hours each, back to back. that was grueling! on the other hand, both classes are relatively small and went really well--six students in one and 10 in the other. we did a lot of talking. nobody dozed off. during the second part of the first class, i took the students for a walk to iolani palace. the hawaiian kingdom government folks are still there, although we didn't stop to visit, as they looked like they were having a meeting. this was my ahupuaa resource management class, so we went to look at the ahu and to give them a sense of what the makai side of the honolulu ahupuaa looked like. in a couple of weeks we'll be going to upper nuuanu, to kaniakapupu and to the pali to look at ahupuaa from the top (or almost top) down.

last saturday james and i went to the democratic party pre-convention meeting at kalakaua intermediate school. i chaired the national/international affairs committee meeting. that was hectic! we had 43 resos to plow through. took us about an hour to get through the first three! there was a reso submitted in support of giving lt. ehren watada an honorable discharge. there were a number of former military personnel at the meeting and all of them were adamant that he be denied an honorable discharge because he didn't follow orders, he signed a contract, he made an agreement, etc. i was kinda shocked--not sure why. but it seemed to me that no one wanted to look at the larger picture, at the justification for/reason behind people committing inhumane acts on other people. it came down to an issue of legality. made me very sad. but i had to remind myself, of course, that watada wasn't protesting war in general, just that particular war, the one in iraq. he was okay with war elsewhere. he wasn't advocating peace.

for my ahupuaa class i'm showing them an inspiring video on youtube, on the TED site. go look. http://video.google.com/videosearch?q=william+mcdonough&hl=en&sitesearch= i'm beginning to use youtube as a regular resource--so many current things going on in the world that students can relate to. today in my cultural anth class we watched a five minute clip on youtube about some jazz artists jamming with pygmies in the congo. talk about a meeting of cultures! i find the whole idea of relationship building through music and art as something that transcends politics. there's a tremendous amount of joy generated by people who love music, who play music, who dance, eat, sleep, walk music. the video "playing for change" documents street musicians, some extremely talented and professionals in their own right, who play on the streets for the love of playing and interacting with audiences, strangers, who are captured by the sound of their music. each one says the same thing--if you want to make money, this is not the way to go because you won't make much. but if you love people, and you love the way they receive your music (your gift), then this is the life for you. but you'll be poor unless you have a regular job, too. i showed the short clip in the beginning. we had a discussion (fairly long and drawn out), then at the second half i showed the video, which i thought was a good illustration about how class, race, age, and gender become irrelevant in the sharing of music, something that transcends all of the above. it was a good day.

Oops!

forgot to add the photo links, for those who might want to see them:

http://www.kodakgallery.com/Slideshow.jsp?UV=766378406907_779286534605&mode=fromsite&collid=25023499905.491186534605.1209967674069&conn_speed=1

http://www.kodakgallery.com/Slideshow.jsp?UV=766378406907_779286534605&mode=fromsite&collid=25023499905.231489634605.1209967756473&conn_speed=1

Sunday Musings

i had two things to do today, out in the field, so to speak. went up to kaniakapupu for our regular first sunday of the month clean up. we had a good group up there, even though hpu regular school session is pau, we had all hpu students there. it rained but we went right on working, anyhow. it was a good day!





later that afternoon, i went to mokauea island for a meeting with the mokauea fishermen's association board and supporters/volunteers from kai makana. my student, bee, was there. as usual, he surfed over. there was an architect from u.h., who came to help with the design of a halau for volunteers to use. it was a great meeting. and i got some really nice photos. you can see all the photos from both trips here:



at the same time the kaniakapupu clean up was going on, i found out that a memorial was being held for my friend/ex-partner who passed away last week. i mentioned this in an earlier rant. it was just down the road at jackass ginger. i drove by to check it out. lots of kids and their parents. saw my grandson, dayton, and his mom, kanani. but i went back up to the kaniakapupu trail head to meet with students. my daughter drove by and stopped to ask if i was going, but i said no. so she went ahead. i asked my son, who was with me at the time, if he wanted to attend and he said no. he didn't have any positive energy to lend to that event, so he didn't want to go. he said his experiences were mostly negative, so his presence wouldn't add anything. so of course, i asked if we ought to be having that discussion at some future time. he didn't respond. i'm learning more about my kids and about myself as time goes by. i hope i'm up to the challenge when one of them asks me how come they had such screwed up lives. i hope they don't ask, but if they do, i suppose i ought to be prepared for some heavy and gut-wrenching stuff to spill out on me. my bad.

i reflect often on how i might have been a better parent, friend, partner, daughter. in some instances, it's too late, of course. james reminds me that i am the person i am today because of the experiences i lived through--i'm a product of all the good and bad stuff that impacted me, and which i developed protections against (or resistance/reactions to). i like to think that i've tried to be a kinder and more caring person over the years, having been exposed to some wonderful teachers and examples of how to be in the world.

i've been getting phone calls and emails from people who have seen re-runs on olelo of my interviews of john kaimikaua on the issue of pono. i'm so sad he is no longer here to advise. it's rough to think about his not being around--no one to call and ask questions when confusion sets in, and no one to speak to on what is the pono thing to do. the world is a sadder place for his having passed on. how will we do our aha aina for the nation? it was john's vision to build the ahu in the rotunda and to do ceremony to cleanse all the entrances to that building so that the people there would exit and we could walk in and the nation could begin, the people would govern ourselves. i really miss him. who will carry on his legacy?

Frantic Friday

it (friday) really was frantic! meetings in the morning, noon, evening. aargh! but of course, it's never all bad! met with mel, clyde and mona in the morning. then on to school for faculty stuff. then on to the aquarium for the 'changing of the seasons' event. that was very nice. i took photos of the sun every couple of minutes until it was just about to set in puu o palailai, i think behind puu o kapolei. i'm exhausted! sam gon and kumu lake's halau were excellent, as always.

yesterday was the last day of school for me. i took photos of two of my classes and realized that i would, indeed, miss my students. in my evening class, i took a bunch of scripts of "ka lei maile alii--the queen's women" to school with me and had the students do the reenactment. they had a couple of minutes to prepare and then we went right into it. i think it went well. in the debrief they talked about the need for education and 'out of the box' thinking as ways to resolve the sovereignty issue. they liked the idea of connecting large issues, like sovereignty, with on the ground folks like those who respond from the audience. i think we can fix it by next week, given the range of recommendations offered! no problem!

Pau school!

i have a love/hate feeling about end of semester. on the one hand, i have great relief that school is done, for the moment. on the other hand, i miss my students. some classes are better (for me) than others. i try to form a relationship with each student, although it's not always possible. this semester i had them all write journals, as i am required to look at and grade according to writing samples. i usually require short papers. this time i went with the journals for all three classes, which meant i had about 70 to read. very time-consuming. but also enlightening. journals are like diaries. i had specific outcomes in mind when i asked for them. but students forget (i think) and they allow me to look inside their lives at all the things that concern them and inspire them. or sometimes keep them from doing their best.

i think my journaling is kinda personal, but not as personal as what my students share. i'm mindful, for example, that there may be any number of people reading this, most of whom i don't know. since nobody posts any comments, i can't really tell. but some of you do email me personally, and that i appreciate.

this morning one of my students came to visit. she has a lovely baby--cute, good-natured, just very sweet and appealing. every now and then, my grandma and elderly aunts used to say they were lonely for the feel/smell/touch of a baby. i never knew what that mean, being a kid at the time i heard them. i couldn't relate. when i got older i realized they were feeling the same thing i was feeling growing up, except i was lonely for my mother. my sister and i grew up in a house where everyone worked. i think we weren't the only ones. latch key kids hadn't been invented yet, so we weren't that. we were just lonely. my mother and father were both musicians, certified, card-carrying, union member musicians. she played, and still plays, ukulele, guitar, and stand-up base. i don't know what happened to her instruments after she went into lunalilo home (for aged hawaiians). my father drove the bus for HRT (honolulu rapid transit, back in the day), the forerunner of The Bus. he played guitar. they both sang. he was my adopted father, but he sang, so those genes got handed down from another line. but what am i saying? everybody sang. we sang. and we danced hula because my grandfather (daniel machado) had a brother who was married to lena machado (hawaii's songbird) and we ended up taking hula from her for a few years at their old homestead on john ena road. the kalauokalani ohana were cousins (wonder where they all are now?). so anyhow, i grew up in a house where everybody was always singing. my mother worked at the kodak hula show when it first started up. then when it folded, she worked as a casual musician for years and years. when kodak hula show started up again, she went back to work for them until they folded the second time. i have a postcard with all the musicians and dancers that i'll scan and paste into the next post.

after my father left HRT, he went to work for young brothers, part of dillingham corp. at the time. i remember him talking about "ben", like everybody at his level was buddies with ole ben dillingham. he may have been. i never thought to ask. my father was an oiler on a tugboat, the eleu. he went all over the world tugging barges here and there. he was gone for months at a time, sometime. but he always brought home presents. i guess those were the good times, but they weren't always. he stayed with young brothers until he retired. the not-so-good times stand out in my memory more, but i'm not quite ready to write about that now. suffice to say that my sister and i were subjected to a lot of abuse, both physical and sexual (her more than me, unfortunately for her). we dealt with it in different ways. i ran away a lot, especially as a young teenager.

we lived across the street from the waikiki library, in the little lane between the service station and the little market on the corner, my grandma's house. i ran away to the library--every single day. i began to read science fiction books--every book they had in the library. i would stay there for hours on end and read one book after another. eventually i started catching the bus to the main library downtonw because there were no other scifi books to read. as i got older, i realized that there were other people like me, who found a safe place in libraries and in other people's stories. that place saved me. and educated me. i learned how to read and digest and, eventually, write.

my sister was a different story. she was two years older and way more popular. she had choke boyfriends and hung out with the popular crowd. she went to roosevelt high school. then they rezoned the area and i went to kaimuki. at that time kaimuki was almost but not quite like mckinley high school--tokyo high. not many hawaiians at kaimuki. the school was sectioned off into upper, middle, and lower achieving students, with four levels in each section. so: U 1, 2, 3, and 4. M 1, 2, 3, 4, and L 1, 2, 3, 4. and then there was special ed. i was in U4, the lowest of the upper level. i was the only hawaiian. all the rest were orientals (didn't use the word 'asian' at the time), and maybe one haole. my sister didn't do that well academically, not that she cared. she was a partyer and had lots of friends. i was a loner and read a lot. all the time, actually. i couldn't wait to get home and finish a book, or to finish a book and run back to the library. obviously we came from a dysfunctional home! but my grandma was the best. she looked grouchy, but she wasn't. my grandfather was grouchy. my sister and i tried to steer clear of my father. and my mother was always working. i think you get the picture.

anyhow, we did the best we could. holidays were great because all the aunties, uncles and cousins would come over and everybody would cook and play cards (they were all gamblers), eat, drink (and drink, and drink, and drink), and sing. one of my cousins, kehaulani burgess, was a natural at the piano. we had a piano in the house and when she came over, she would sit down and start banging away. what a treat! and people would sing and be happy. in the evenings the adults got down to some serious card playing that lasted all day and all night and into the next day, and it was to our advantage to keep out of the way. so we played hide-and-seek in the yard and down the lane, and we did this all day and all night. if we didn't want to get a whack, we stayed out of the way of grumpy gambling adults. i remember those times fondly because i had fun. over the years, the family separated. the cousins grew up and moved away. i have no idea where most of them are now, but i certainly am lonely for those times.